I think there is a big difference between knowing a group people yet you have individual close friendships within that group. You tend to come together for a one off night out, or come together to help each other during a time of need. Verse having a true “group friendship” one where there becomes no sense of individuality when outsiders are looking in, one that almost feels as though privacy is hard to rely on, separate relationships amongst each other cause rifts or jealousy, that “shit” is talked, and no secret is really a secret. You are not always included or thought of outside of the group because it feels so insular. Dont get me wrong – “group friendships” can also be amazing, they always start off making each other feel special, wanted, needed, important, cherished, part of something secret, coveted even!
Im sure some have lasted the test of time – I have seen groups of friends I knew of in high school all still close, traveling together, raising their kids at the same time together, and more. However, Im beginning to realize that maybe they just arent always meant to be or maybe not meant to be for me? Maybe relationships like these need to have complete and utter transparency – nothing is kept private, no feelings can be spared. Maybe everyone involved has to have very thick skin, and not care about nights out amongst only 2, differences in the way they manage outside relationships, work, family, etc… Maybe friendships like these only work when one person is truly the “leader”, the one that keeps everyone together – and is truly the backbone of the group? I guess I am doubting these types of friendships because I am starting to again, see one as an outsider looking in.
My life has become simplified all of a sudden, no more group texts about nothing and everything all at once, or major consults about this or that, no more dinners, or last minute playdates. But also no more drama. No more wondering if what you say stays private when you need to vent, no more worrying that your insecurities will be found out or judged, no more judging and then wondering if that judgement has been discussed without your knowledge. So while the gains of a group friendship can be,seem, and feel AMAZING. Like you are on top of the world and you have a support group like no other.. the pitfalls can also be somewhat devastating, hurtful, stressful, and more.
Im still not sure which way the tides will ultimately turn, or what the future will hold.. but I guess at this moment in time I have to be ok with it, focus on all the amazing stuff in my life, put more time into my work again while I still have some free time, revisit those singleton friendships I was letting blow out in the wind because my focus was elsewhere. Make a point to realize how LUCKY I am to have some awesome “forever friends” who dont give a shit about my faults, know when you need to vent just to vent, show up unexpected at your door, and so much more.
Well, we did it. We have a little girl in a big girl bed We actually transitioned R. over to her toddler bed about a week before christmas. It all started one afternoon when baby bird started crying hysterically after not sleeping for 45mins in her crib at nap time. This had been going on and off for a few weeks, but I randomly said that afternoon when I was sad she was crying – “Do you want to go and sleep in Daddy’s office bed?” and she said YES! So I told her that she wasnt allowed to get out of the bed and she could sleep in there… Low and behold, 3hrs later, she was still in the bed, all cozy and warm. Read More »
OMG potty training is so ridiculously time consumingly overwhelming. All every parent wants is to not have to change another diaper or wipe another tush. Yet, getting to that point is not as easy, or as rosie as one might think. Yah, yah, you hear all these stories about how someone’s kid was “potty trained” in 5 seconds or never had an accident, blah blah blah bullshit! Read More »
Ok, flat out, gonna say it. We (or I) am crazy and apparently Im a gluton for punishment. For YEARS I have wanted to get a second dog - Mind you I wanted to get this dog BEFORE we had kids, but my lovely hubs was not ready for it. On and off for let say, oh 8 years. I have been harassing M. with photos of cute little brusselie babies off the brussels griffon rescue website (btw, an amazing organization with all volunteers, etc… please donate if you have a heart and love the griffs! or dogs!) Anyways for approx 8 years he has said NO to all my pleas.. Randomly about 4 months ago I showed M. FB friends photo who fosters for the NBGR.. it was of this ADORABLE 5mn old puppy named Verdell. Read More »
R: sitting in our bed “reading” the one step ahead circular. Says to me- “no baby in book in bathtub!”
Me: but the baby needs to get clean too!
R: “no, baby stay dirty”
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our little girl. She is my most important person, my best friend (At 2! haha) and is amazing. She is actually overall a blessing of a 2 yr old. She has a pleasant personality, the sweetest little thing. As I like to say, She is candy for my soul. HOWEVER, this winter, has tried my patience a bit. I know it is a combination of MANY things. Read More »
This past summer (I know that was a LONG time ago now) M. and I decided that we wanted to send R. to “School”. Im sure many people were wondering – why the heck do you want to send your (then) 20mn old off to school?! Dont you want to spend as MUCH time with her before pre-k/kindergarden or before you have another baby? While yes, of course I do! However, I also felt, and so do feel that there comes a point as a parent things can start to become both monotonous, and in turn become less of a learning and growing experience and more of just a need to survive the day to day. Read More »
I think it is time that I start to write again. It has been probably close to 8+ months since I have. SO much has gone since I last wrote.. and in some ways I dont mind that I am “Starting fresh” – I doubt many of my old readers will be reading, and in many ways that is ok too. I can write more candidly if I dont know who is reading! :) Read More »