I know I’ve talked about this before but it is a still a CONSTANT debate in my mind, between M. and I, with girlfriends, and anyone who meets me and asks. Do we try for #2. Now that we are out of the hell of horrible infancy and have this amazingly wonderful, adorable, beautiful, little toddler I dont know if I want to do all that other crap again. I always dreamed of a big family, one to fill the holiday tables with, and playing together in the backyard, supporting each other through life changes, maybe even being best friends someday! I always wanted my kid to have a sibling to lean on when times were tough, or to help when she might someday (far from now) be all alone. However my own selfishness sometimes out weights all those good points. I know, there is NO guarantee that our children will be close or even like or tolerate each other but I guess that is a gamble parents with more then one take! I also wonder if having another baby so that my current one is not alone is the RIGHT reason to have another. I dont doubt for even a millisecond that I would not love another baby as much as my little bird, but the need to have another is not one that comes from thoughts or feelings like “oh I love babies” or “I love being a mom, I could have 10 more!” HELLS NO! I struggle with the mom card almost daily. I have a fierce love for my babe and she is the light of my life, but the fact that I am her MOTHER and that role, and this job I have taken on will never ever end is sometimes daunting! People have suggested waiting a few years… but I dont want my kids (if we have more) to be far apart in age, nor do I want to be so far out of the diapers, bottles, and baby toy stage to have to do it all over again. I also want my body back, and want to work at it, and feel awesome about myself.. I cant imagine getting back to a place I am happy with and then 4-5 years later feeling gross and crappy all over again! ha! So I guess the time will come sometime soon that we will have to truly make up our minds once and for all.