I think there is a big difference between knowing a group people yet you have individual close friendships within that group. You tend to come together for a one off night out, or come together to help each other during a time of need. Verse having a true “group friendship” one where there becomes no sense of individuality when outsiders are looking in, one that almost feels as though privacy is hard to rely on, separate relationships amongst each other cause rifts or jealousy, that “shit” is talked, and no secret is really a secret. You are not always included or thought of outside of the group because it feels so insular. Dont get me wrong – “group friendships” can also be amazing, they always start off making each other feel special, wanted, needed, important, cherished, part of something secret, coveted even!
Im sure some have lasted the test of time – I have seen groups of friends I knew of in high school all still close, traveling together, raising their kids at the same time together, and more. However, Im beginning to realize that maybe they just arent always meant to be or maybe not meant to be for me? Maybe relationships like these need to have complete and utter transparency – nothing is kept private, no feelings can be spared. Maybe everyone involved has to have very thick skin, and not care about nights out amongst only 2, differences in the way they manage outside relationships, work, family, etc… Maybe friendships like these only work when one person is truly the “leader”, the one that keeps everyone together – and is truly the backbone of the group? I guess I am doubting these types of friendships because I am starting to again, see one as an outsider looking in.
My life has become simplified all of a sudden, no more group texts about nothing and everything all at once, or major consults about this or that, no more dinners, or last minute playdates. But also no more drama. No more wondering if what you say stays private when you need to vent, no more worrying that your insecurities will be found out or judged, no more judging and then wondering if that judgement has been discussed without your knowledge. So while the gains of a group friendship can be,seem, and feel AMAZING. Like you are on top of the world and you have a support group like no other.. the pitfalls can also be somewhat devastating, hurtful, stressful, and more.
Im still not sure which way the tides will ultimately turn, or what the future will hold.. but I guess at this moment in time I have to be ok with it, focus on all the amazing stuff in my life, put more time into my work again while I still have some free time, revisit those singleton friendships I was letting blow out in the wind because my focus was elsewhere. Make a point to realize how LUCKY I am to have some awesome “forever friends” who dont give a shit about my faults, know when you need to vent just to vent, show up unexpected at your door, and so much more.